How Men and Women Love Differently

You Need to Love the way the Others Wants to be Loved

This is from Kerygma.My favorite Mag i just want to share one of my favorite oart that i read in Kerygma..

1.How Men and Women Speak Differently

When the Martians and Venusians first met, they understood each other very well even if they spoke different language. All they had to do was go to Mars-Venus Dictionary and they understood each other well.

The problem was when they stopped referring to the dictionary because they totally forgot that they spoke differnt languages. Because MArtains and Venusians use the same words but have different meaning.

Example?

Woman: You never listen to me.

Man: "Never? i'm listening to you right now."

In the Venusian language, you can use superlatives such as "never" and always" to express your feeling of frustration- because you aren't describing factual or literal measurements, but an emotion.

But Men look at facts.

So what should Men do when confronted with these circumtances?

Just listen. Understand. Just say " I want to listen to you.Im sorry if sometimes i'm very busy and i don't give you the attention that you deserve."

Here's another examplke.

Woman: "When i call you for dinner, you always take so long to come. I sometimes have to wait for 30 minutes,...

Man: "Always?" I beg to disagree. Sometimes i do make you wait. But not for 30 minutes. Probably 10 minutes at most... To her, its 30 and thats the fact!

Men, stop looking at the facts. It's not about the fact but about what she feels. It may chronologically be just 10 minutes. But to her, it feels like she's not important to you for 30 minutes, and she doesn't care if the watch says 10 minutes. To her, its 30 and thats the fact!

All you have to do is listen, validate what she feels, and say, "i'm sorry, please forgive me. I ddn't know you felt that way." And then you can promise to be on time next time for meals.

You can't Argue with What She feels

I've realized that when a hurting woman speaks, i can't argue with her emotion. She is speaking the truth. Because when it comes to her emotion, she has absolutely knowledge.

When my wife says, "Why ddn't you call me today? I was waiting for your call. I was worried about you, I used to say, "Why will you be worried over me? God takes care of me. Besides, I was busy the whole day with my work!"

Now, i've learned. I shut my mouth, put m,y arms around her and say "I'm sorry, I should have called, but i was in a meeting that i couldn't get out of. It was a difficult meeting. Thanks for praying for me. I love you."

Now notice: i was able to explain the facts, and yet emphatize with her too.

Here's another conversation....

Woman: "You don't love me anymore."

Man: "That's not true. I married you and i'm still here married to you. I go to work everyday, earning my salary for you!"

Men, what should our proper response be?> Listen. Ask: Why does she feel that way? Ask for forgiveness. Makes amends. When she says you don't love her anymore," she actually means, "Make me important to you again. Care for me. Romance me. Court me."

And here's a rule on saying sorry. You may have to say it 10 times within a span of 15 minutes or an hour for her to smile at you again.

What should women do if husbands don't do this?

The key to your man is appreciation. appreciate him in the right direction. Tell him, " I just need to talk. If you listen to me, you'll make me very happy."

Remember that your man is goal-oriented by nature. If he does'nt know that simply listening will accomplish something great, he won't bother because he feels as though it is accomplishing nothing. But by telling him that his listening counts for something. he'll feel good that he has achieved something.

Men's Language-Or Non-language

Now, let's translate men's language or, more accurately, their non-language.

Because when they're upset, they usually keep quiet. And that's very threatening for women because they don't do that.

So when men go to their caves for a while and honor "Do not Disturb" sign on the door. When women offer help, they're saying, "I love you, I care for you." But what men hear is, "Youre incompetent. Let me help."

LAter, if you give them space and let them be, your man will come out ot that cave and start looking for you.

11. HOW MEN AND WOMEN BEHAVE DIFFERENTLY

John Greys says that men are like rubberbands. He has an instinctual need to pull back from a relationship form time to time--to feel his indefendence and automy again--and when fully stretched, he can spring back and can give much more to his relationship. If a man doesn't pull away --he wont be able to feel his strong need to feel close to his woman.

I never knew this. But as I reflected on my "intimacy" cycle," I realize it's so true. Women don't know this. So when theysee their emn pull away from them, they think they're to blame. They panic. They think they've done something wrong to offend them. So they call them up, pester them, invite them back...And that won't be good for the relationship because men do go back to them but without the spring in the heels. They will feel suffocated and strangled and trapped in that relationship.

PULL BACK REGULARLY

I realize that when i have regular times of solitude, doing my work alone or just relaxing by myself, i come home to my wife with something to give to the relationship. When i spend days or weeks doing everything with my wife, i sense that i become more moody, more irritable, more passive in the relationship. When that happens, i know that's the time for me to pull away for a while.

I get a day-off and just pray, do some reading, and work for a while. And my wife encourage me to do those things because she knows it will benifit our relationship. She does her stuff and goes out eith her girlfriends.

Let me say this to women: Your husband, no matter how perfect, can only supply 30% of your happiness. The rest should come from your relationship with God and from friends. I encourage my wife to go out with her girlfriends, if possible , atleast once a week. That gives me also a chance to be by myself and pull back from the relatioship.

WOMEN ARE LIKE WAVES

If men are like rubber bands, women are like waves. When she feels loved, her self-esteem rises and falls like waves.

When she always doesn't feel loved, her self-esteem will remain low! But even if she feels loved, her self-esteem won't always stay high. It'll still rise and fall like waves. When her wave is up, she feels that she has an abundance of love to give. But when it's down, she feels overwhelmed and feels an inner emptiness.

Again, when a man suddenly sees his woman's wave crashing, he asks himself, "What did i do wrong now?" The rule is to keep quiet, listen well, and support your wife in whatever she's been going through. By being supportive and caring, you cannot prevent it from happening but you can let her go through it with you by her side. And when she bottoms out, she'll be back to her loving self again.

A woman's capacity to love is directly proportional to how she feels about herself. If she feels good about herself, if her self-esteem is high, she'll be more loving and appreciative of her partner.

111. HOW MEN AND WOMEN NEED DIFFERENT THINGS.

In one of my trips, I arrived in my host's home with the dinner table loaded with food. He deffinitely wanted to express how important i was and he wanted to show it by preparing a feast. But there was just one tiny problem. This guy loved meat. He was a full-fledged carnivore. And his favorite were steak and roasted pig. There were liempo, crispy pata, kaldereta, and kare kare.

No question about it, this guy loved me. The only problem was that i was a semi-vegitarian. (I eat fish).

But he was loving me the way he wanted to be loved. This is the same mistake we make in our relationships: We love the way we want to be loved. But our partners want to be loved in a totally different way.

MEN, DO THE LITTLE THINGS

Men, your woman needs caring devotion. Especially in the little things.

A man thinks he score high with his woman if he does a big thing: He works hard in his job and gets a promotion. He buys her a new watch. He takes her on a vacation...

But women score differently. When women keep score, no matter how small or big the gift is, they give it only one point. Each gift has equal value.

Examples:

*When you arrived home, look for your wife and give her a hug.

*Ask how her day was. Give her 20 minutes of undividual attention. Don't read the paper or watch tv while she's talking.

*Bring her flowers, chocolates or anything she fancies.

*Plan dates in advance. When you remind her of your date, you score one point.

*Compliment how she looks.

*When she's upset, don't offer solutions. Just listen.

*When she's hurt over something you did, don't belittle her feelings. Apologize.

*Give her four hugs a day and tell her, "I love you" a couple of times a day.

*Make her more important than the children. Let the children see that you're giving your attention first to her, then to them.

*Let her see that you carry a picture of her in your wallet and update it from tiem to time.

What happens to a man when he does these little things? It heals the woman of her resentments towards him. He feels powerful that he's able to fulfill his wife.

WOMEN, APPRECIATE HIM

Women, do you know how discouraging it is for your husband when he realizes that they cannot fulfill you? But when he sees you smile and become happy because of the little things he does for you, he inwardly feels powerful, acomplished. He tells himself, "I did that. I made her happy."

What does a man need?

Appreciation. Appreciate him for the little thing he does. Tell him how hppy he has made you. And remember that when you appreciate him, your encouraging him to continue to move in that same direction.

Inwardly, a amn wants to be admired by his woman.

Women are naturally appreciative of the small things.

When they're not appreciative, its because of two reasons: She doesn;t know it is important to her partner-- or she's stuck in resentment.

Here's how to score points with your man --some higher than others.....

*He makes a mistakes and you don't say "I told you so"

*He gets lost while driving and you dont make a big deal out of it.

*He gets lost and you see the good int he situation.

*He forgets to pick up something and you say, "It's ok. next time."

*When he goes into his cave you don't make him feel guilty.

*When he comes from his cave, you welcome him and don't punish him.

*When he apologizes for his mistake and you recieve it with your love.

*You're happy to see him when he gets home.

*You don't give unsolicited advice about his responsibilities.

*You ask for his support rather than dwell on his failures.

Friends, the key to a great relationship is simple: To Love the way your beloved wants to be Loved.

HAve a fantastic relationship.